Walking along a forest path between Jurassic rocks, you feel as if someone is watching you — emerging for a moment from behind a rock, silently observing where you’re going.
You turn around, but no one is there. All that remains is the strange feeling that it wasn’t just your imagination.

My series, entitled “The Whisper of a Soul Enchanted in Rock”, will be presented during a screening at the stereoscopic show in the Silesian Museum.
It is a photographic legend about someone who wanders among Jurassic rocks, silently traverses the forest, constantly searching — yet never finding.

Let me be clear — I’m incredibly excited!
A photoplasticon is a 19th-century device with viewfinders used to view photographs. You take a seat among a dozen or so others and look inside to see three-dimensional images slowly passing by.

I’m one of nine artists representing the Silesian Chapter of the Association of Polish Art Photographers who will be showcasing their work in the photoplasticon under the collective title “Where Times Intertwine.”
The curator of this wonderful initiative is Kamil Myszkowski.

I warmly invite you to join us on Thursday, 16 October 2025, at 6:00 p.m., on level -4 of the Silesian Museum in Katowice.

The show will run until 15 March 2026 and accompanies the exhibition “Jura. The Land Without End.”

Below is the official event poster:

My article entitled ‘See yourself differently’ was published on the Ślązag website. I invite you to read it – the text is in Polish: link.

This publication was made possible thanks to the cooperation between Ślązag and the KAŻDA JEST WAŻNA collective, of which I am a member.

‘See yourself differently. How to feel comfortable in your own skin and like yourself in photos?’ is primarily a great workshop programme, which you can take part in before any portrait session with me (details), or it can take the form of a POWER SPEECH during a conference or event.

Working on a contract basis, where the number and intensity of assignments aren’t always predictable, has its consequences. This is typical for the creative industry and the reality for most creators working as freelancers under the umbrella of their own business.

Such a setup leads to a state of constant readiness — often at the expense of personal interests, rest or health. Many creators tend to prioritise work over the aspects of life I’ve just mentioned. It often stems from fear — a concern about whether there will be more projects.
Unfortunately, the other side — the client — is usually aware of this and sometimes takes advantage of it to achieve their goals faster and at a lower cost.

As a freelancer, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of daily work and lose sight of the bigger picture. Focusing on day-to-day tasks takes most of your attention, making it harder to step back, take care of yourself or slow down just enough to ask: am I okay in all this?

For me, that moment of pause came with burnout, accompanied by episodes of depression. In my case, it was hitting rock bottom — but of course, it’s better not to wait that long. I know how it works: you can ignore the symptoms for a long time, drown out the signals, pretend everything’s fine.

I believe there are different ways to prevent things from going off the rails. One good habit might be to check in with yourself from time to time. How am I really doing? How would I rate this area of my life? Is it working, or could it use some change?
Some time ago, I came across a tool that helps with just that.

A few weeks back, I attended a workshop titled “Creative Balance. Find Your Path (to) the Future”, led by Maja Ruszkowska-Mazerant. By then, I had already gained some distance from the challenges of the previous year, but I was still dealing with the aftermath of burnout. I was open to different forms of personal development — I wanted to gain a new perspective, learn something new, set new directions.

The heart of the workshop was working with the PRObeing model, a method developed by Maja and Maciej Mazerant. In the beautiful space of Work Place 59 in Łódź, surrounded by kind people, I spent a creative and inspiring day full of conversations, shared experiences, great food (homemade bread and cake!) — and, of course, hands-on work with the PRObeing model.

This tool genuinely resonated with me. I pay attention to visual form, and this one is really well designed. Muted colours, thoughtful layout, the feel of working on paper — the pleasure of going analogue. The instructions are clear, and the whole thing comes in a folder you can take home and continue working with.

The PRObeing model helps you organise your thoughts. It shows you what needs attention, what might need change or reevaluation. It works both for deep transformations and for small adjustments in how you operate.
On a circular diagram — a kind of wheel of life — I looked at different areas:
work and rest, finances, personal development, health and prevention, relaxation, planning.
With a crayon or marker, I filled in the sections according to my current situation — how much order there is in each area, and how much change is needed.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I coloured anything. That alone brought me joy. It felt a bit like analogue photography — it slows you down. There’s space for reflection in manual work like this — sometimes even to speak thoughts out loud. And with PRObeing, to express them through colour.

We also spent time talking about values — choosing those most important to each of us. Setting clear priorities in this area makes a big difference. It gives direction, sharpens your goals, fuels motivation, and helps you reconnect with your “factory settings.”

It was a really good day. Creative, reflective, meaningful. For me, this tool became a kind of summary of the therapeutic work I’ve done over the past 13 months. Looking into the different areas of my life gave me a sense of closure — that I had faced and worked through what needed attention. I’m still in the process of change, of rebuilding my structure, of reassessing many parts of my life. I’m in a place you might call in between. Between what was and what’s next — though definitely leaning toward the new.

It’s been a lot of work after a serious collapse.
But I believe change can come earlier — before things fall apart. Staying connected with yourself — your mind, body and soul — is key. And stopping to ask questions is a great start.
There are many good tools, workshops and personal development methods out there — and the PRObeing model is certainly one of them.

Click on the website: www.probeing.pl

You can find all my texts about burnout in the category: burnout in freelancing.

August 2025

I have been photographing people for years. People who are beautiful, original, one of a kind.
Where do I find them? Nowhere. The world is full of them — they come to my studio every day.
Most often, they don’t even realise that this is who they are: unique and original.

Self-acceptance.

This topic has been on my mind a lot lately, because in my work portraying people, I all too often hear what they say about — and to — themselves. And those aren’t kind things.
Excessive self-criticism is a poisonous, hurtful, and wounding cluster of words.

It often happens that when looking at the same portrait, the person portrayed and I have completely different impressions. We draw different conclusions and focus on different things.
I look objectively — though of course not completely. I, too, have my own beliefs and mental scripts that shape how I see the world. But I do work on neutrality. Most importantly, I maintain a certain distance — above all mental — from the person I’m photographing. From that perspective, you can see more.
Usually, if we’re accompanied by others, they also take a more objective view.
The person being portrayed, on the other hand, sees themselves through so many subjective layers that they can’t always reach the real “I”.

So many inherited perceptions influence the way we see ourselves.

Ingrained beliefs:
The filters through which we observe ourselves are usually made up of expectations and overlays given to us by our environment — upbringing, culture, religion.
Covered in all these layers, we often don’t even realise they’re artificial constructs we were placed into without consent or awareness.

Self-feeling:
Fatigue, illness, sleeplessness, or a bad mood will distort our self-image. Poor well-being doesn’t always manifest in our physical appearance — but it always shows up on our face.

Physical condition:
It’s hard to feel good in a sedentary lifestyle — no movement, lots of computer work, and “resting” while scrolling on the phone. Running between work, school, home, and errands doesn’t count.
That’s not rest or mindful movement. It’s just a chase.
It’s hard to feel good without deep breathing, the calming influence of nature, or movement (including sport) tailored to our needs.
The body dances with emotions — the way we treat it will directly affect how we feel emotionally and mentally.

Emotions:
Stress, frustration, anxiety, low self-esteem, dissatisfaction — whatever we feel, it shows. In body language, posture, expression.
I see these emotions. They appear in how a body holds itself, in tension or ease, in facing the lens — or unconsciously turning away from it.

External conditions beyond our control:

Light — who hasn’t panicked at the sight of themselves in shop fitting-room lighting? Light can tell beautiful stories, but it can also tear down our illusions with one harsh midday beam.

Mirrors — did you know the image you see in the mirror is false? That’s right — it’s a mirrored image. You see yourself in fragments, usually from above, which distorts the perception of your proportions.

Asymmetry — it’s natural. Human bodies and faces aren’t symmetrical, even on a genetic level.
Interestingly, when we look at others, we rarely notice differences between the two sides of a face. We perceive harmony. But when looking at ourselves — especially in a still image — we spot every unevenness.
To me, asymmetry adds character. It speaks of experience, emotion, and life. In a way, it’s a living diary — and incredibly inspiring.
Symmetry? That only exists in mannequins.

You are photogenic — even if you don’t believe it.

But what if — even just for a moment — you could neutralise all those overlays and beliefs and see yourself differently?
Would becoming aware of how many things have stuck to you give you a chance to look at yourself more gently?

That’s why I’ve created a workshop. A one-hour, practical lecture before any photo shoot — designed to help you:

– feel freer in front of the lens,
– connect with your body — maybe even start communicating with it,
– understand what “photogenic” and “asymmetrical” really mean,
– use your natural strengths,
– let go of fear and discomfort around being photographed.

And maybe much more will happen. A lot is in your hands. How much you take in, how much stays with you after our meeting — that’s mostly up to you.

I’m an idealist. At first, I thought that workshops like this would magically wipe out the wave of blind self-criticism.
Now I know it’s rarely that simple. Often, there are too many layers to peel back — too many wounds to heal.
But I still hope to plant a micro-seed. One that might germinate someday and spark a change in the way you see yourself.

Sounds like a mission 🙂

The workshop programme “See yourself differently. How to feel comfortable in your own skin and like yourself in photos?” can be found HERE.

You can experience this Extraordinary Hour of Power before any portrait session with me.

It will also make a great gift for a loved one. You can find the VOUCHER HERE.

There is another VOUCHER available as a gift for a loved one: a combination of this workshop and an ART portrait session. You will find the details HERE.

POWER SPEECH ! (in Polish) In October 2024, I had the opportunity to give an hour-long talk on this topic at the Women’s Development Academy at the Atrion Business Centre in Tychy. And I am eager for more!
So remember that this topic can exist at meetings, conferences, in the form of an inspiring, practical lecture. Do you know someone who organises such events and might be interested? Connect us!

My programme is also part of a co-operative with psychologist Dawid Haracz. We combined our knowledge and expertise and created a full-day workshop for an intimate group entitled:
“How to feel good about yourself? A workshop on acceptance, self-esteem and self-confidence”.
!! Only in Polish.
Have a look HERE and see what we have prepared.

We will announce further dates, but we would also be happy to host such a workshop at the invitation of an institution, company or association.

You can find the texts in the series What about self-acceptance? in “with a kind eye” category.

The photographs are from my authors’ series Beautiful People. Beautiful because diverse, unique, one of a kind. You can find the series HERE.

I fit the series of texts ‘Burnout in freelancing’ into one short essential article I wrote for the Ślązag portal.

Read it if you know Polish: LINK.

This publication was made possible thanks to Ślązag’s collaboration with the collective KAŻDA JEST WAŻNA, of which I am a part.

You can find all my texts about burnout in the category: burnout in freelancing.

When I think about what I want to change in my professional life, or indeed in life in general, a few conclusions come to mind: important themes that I’ve been carrying inside me for some time. The longer I carry them, the more I feel they should be taken into account when building new qualities.

I no longer want to operate under pressure, in a rush, or out of fear. I don’t intend to fight, race, or compete. I want to focus on what is unique and special in me. I promise to listen to the voice of my intuition and stay in tune with myself. To follow the inner signpost, because it doesn’t lead me astray.
Courage. I used to have a lot of it. A thought came, and I followed it. I know it probably wasn’t obvious from the outside, but the truth is, I reached out less often and more often asked myself, “Does it make sense?” I’m returning to my original settings.

I won’t always be available to others, not unconditionally and not without limits. Partnerships and a sense of reciprocity, in whatever we are in and whatever we do, are now my direction. I’ve become aware of passive-aggressive behaviour towards me, of attitudes and actions that don’t support me. I’m not going to play that game anymore. Here is where I draw a clear line.
I’ll try to communicate clearly what I need, what I want, and what I don’t want or accept.

I want to act more broadly, more diversely. I want to use the experience and knowledge I’ve gathered over the years, which don’t have to be limited to photography.
Will I leave the profession, meaning commercial photography?

I don’t know yet.
But I do know that I’ll make a lot of space for other things. I can’t yet fully see the new landscapes. I’m still deeply immersed in the process of transforming the old into the new. Something is emerging, some directions are slowly taking shape. But it’s not a clear picture yet. So I’m holding off on big decisions. I allow myself to float, or rather, to drift. And I watch.
Whatever it turns out to be, I want to act with more care for myself. I mean this not only in relation to work, but also to what I do outside of it. I want to add something that brings peace and mental relaxation, something that comes from the right hemisphere, not the left. Sport gives me that, of course, but I also need creative “non-work”.
Rest now goes on my list of basic needs.

I want to remind myself of what I used to dream about. And I’d better write it here — what’s written down becomes known.

I like speaking English. I want to speak it often, as freely as I did when I toured America during my studies, or even earlier when I lived in the Netherlands.
People from other parts of the world fascinate and inspire me. Being part of international initiatives and projects, artistic or otherwise, would be wonderful. It’s a chance to create on the move, to draw from completely different perspectives. I want to immerse myself in diversity.
I remember with gratitude my artist residency in Hungary a few years ago. I feel at home in that kind of environment.
I love the thought that somewhere out there, in different parts of Europe or the world, I know someone. And I want to know many more.

I also dream of publishing a book. More than one. A photographic one with my portraits, of course, but I’ve also been writing a novel for some time now. And this thought excites me, because I’m used to working with images, but I’m only just beginning to form a friendship with the word.
And with words in general, I’ve started to envision something: I’m sitting in a small cottage in the mountains, watching mist rise above the forest after rain, and I’m writing. It’s a very pleasant and calming thought.

New York. An iconic place for art. One day I will show my portraits there. I’ve written that scene in my imagination. I remind myself that I don’t need to know how. It’s enough that I feel permission and desire.

I also want things to happen that I can’t even imagine right now. Unexpected moments, which, when combined with my potential and creativity, will lead to fascinating adventures.

Let me return to the forest. The vast wilderness of the Canadian woods, or the sequoias in the States, the mountain slopes covered with forest, higher than those in our Beskids. I want to explore the forest.

I also dream of a world that becomes a gentler place, full of understanding for otherness and different perspectives, without the need to impose one’s will. I would love for us to celebrate what is good, instead of constantly highlighting what is bad, shallow, or mediocre.
And when it comes to nature, I’ll refer to a powerful symbol made of two sets: one where we replace the EGO model, with humans at the centre, with ECO, where humans are just one equal part. You can easily find illustrations of this online, if they haven’t crossed your path yet.

This is the last entry in the “freelance burnout” series. I’m ending it for now, although I may return to the topic in the future.
I’m grateful to myself for having the courage to write this series. It’s brought me a lot of reflection, helped me look at the situation with greater care, and prompted deep thinking and the beginning of change.
I’m sure the universe will test the sustainability of this new order more than once.
We’ll see. I truly hope it becomes lasting.

I’ve been in therapy for a year now, and my life — including my professional life — is clearly changing. But the order is clear: first come changes within me — in my attitudes, behaviours, relationships with myself and others, in the vast space of emotions. Then I give meaning to what I want to do and how I want to do it professionally.
Whatever it turns out to be, I want to do it with lightness.

June 2025

Articles in this series can be found under the category “burnout in freelancing”.

Orientation to the world around us has always been a value in my family. Daily newspapers, weeklies, monthlies, TV news, journalism, lots of books.
It goes without saying that I go to elections; I’m interested in many social, economic, and political topics. More than once, I’ve been socially involved or engaged in activism.

In recent years, however, I’ve begun to significantly limit my participation in this part of public life. Occasionally, I still look into journalistic pieces – I prefer the written word. But I’ve long since tuned out of news stories and sensationalist conversations and debates.

I’m heartily sick of rudeness, stupidity, simplification, aggression, cunning, people shouting and talking over each other, populism and the pursuit of short-sighted political interests without any long-term vision for the public good. I’m tired of the devaluation of values, the instability of the system (manifested, for example, in the overnight introduction of key legal changes), the narrative of power, fearmongering, and the constant telling me – as a woman – what I should do and think.
I can’t stand the tone of scandal, the clickbait headlines, the stoking of emotions, and the effort to keep us all perpetually “on high C.” The constant hype, judgment, and the all-knowing “I’m right” tone in public and private statements.
And of course, events such as the pandemic, the war across the eastern border, skyrocketing corporate and living costs – all in just the past five years.
Oh, and to top it all off: sociopaths and people of dubious reputation being elected as presidents – individuals who guarantee nothing but progressive destabilisation, insecurity, and more tragedy, even genocide.

I’m writing these words and already feeling exhausted.

“Life is hard enough without showing your worst side. The world doesn’t need exposing the negative”, writes David R. Hawkins in his latest book.
So I try to gain some distance, to create a buffer that protects me from being emotionally consumed by the world around me.
But is that even possible? Because I think it’s a bit too late for unconsciousness. I’ve entered a high level of anxiety and don’t really know how to neutralise it.

Unplugging from the mainstream gives me some hope – a glimpse that, beyond all this poor-quality noise, there are people trying to create a better reality through their actions and attitudes. One example is Dariusz Bugalski’s soothing conversation (in episode 252 of the K3 podcast, in Polish) with Dr Joanna Zięba about how to speak without persuading, lecturing, or pushing views – how to build dialogue based on mutual respect.

I have always been a sensitive person. I’m deeply affected by what’s happening around me. I grieve for farm animals, the mass logging of forests, the poisoning of rivers, the shooting of animals.
I strongly object to human interests being placed above clean air, water, and the abundance of nature. We fail to acknowledge that we are part of this system too – and that’s something I simply can’t understand.
I deeply disagree with how diversity and otherness are often seen as flaws – used as convenient excuses, rather than sources of richness, learning, and growth.

This world, on a grand scale, affects me too much – and I wish it affected me far less. I can’t keep up with the sheer number of problems “out there” and don’t really know what to do about it.

Then there’s the micro-scale: my everyday life, the here and now, where my sense of security is also faltering.

In over 18 years of running my own business, I’ve taken sick leave only twice – each time briefly, after minor procedures. Nothing serious. I generally don’t get sick. Of course, that’s great – but perhaps, had a crisis like the one I recently experienced come earlier, I would’ve realised how little I can count on in Poland as a self-employed person, despite paying taxes and insurance.

Let me be clear: I do not have a demanding attitude. I’m generally action-oriented in life. I take responsibility for my choices. But right now, I have to face the fact that somewhere along the way, my assumptions diverged from reality. I’m an idealist – that’s true. In my naivety, I believed that if I just worked honestly, things would keep spinning.

But now, experiencing a personal crisis in this area, I’ve hit a wall.

Any creative who’s self-employed will know what I mean. All the benefits that come with full-time employment simply don’t apply to entrepreneurs.
I don’t get paid holidays. If I’m sick and on leave, I can count only on a symbolic amount.
Don’t even ask about retirement.

For those unfamiliar with the realities of sole proprietorship, I had planned a short piece to shed light on it – and I even wrote it. But on second thought, I’ll leave it at that. Freelancers know. Full-timers probably don’t care.

Let me just point out two absurdities of the system.

First: running a business as a sole trader in Poland does not count toward employment seniority.
In May, it was announced on the official gov.pl website that this legislation is set to change in January 2026. That’s a potential breakthrough for creatives and freelancers working on B2B contracts – a long-overdue recognition of their professional path.

Second: until now, the Polish government (every single one) has failed to develop a social security system that takes into account the specifics of artistic work.
In March 2025, a bill on this issue was added to the List of Legislative Works of the Council of Ministers. So, finally – after 35 years – something may be happening.

Back to my past few months. Going on sick leave wasn’t an option. On 2,500 PLN a month, I can’t keep my business afloat.

So I had to keep going.
I wrote earlier that despite chronic fatigue and poor mental health, I couldn’t just take a break to rest and then get back to it. I had to remain professionally on standby the entire time. Business expenses are due whether you earn or not.

I didn’t want to see how inadequate the system is for freelancers – especially those who base their businesses on producing work or services and are irreplaceable as authors. These are not scalable businesses. I’m talking about artisans, makers, artists whose core activity is authoring/creating/co-creating culture – not delegating or expanding.

It’s like the saying: the middle class in Poland is just two unpaid loan instalments away from serious trouble.
For creatives and artists, it might be just a few weeks of illness that prevent them from working.

In recent years, I got caught up in the rush of everyday life, excelling in photography and art – which blurred the bigger picture and the long-term consequences of this model.
But there’s no alternative in Poland. Running a business is the only way to maintain insurance continuity.
I know artists for whom sole proprietorship is completely unprofitable. During artistic projects, they deregister from the unemployment office, sign a contract for specific work, and once the project ends, they re-register to keep their insurance.
Paranoia.
And let me remind you of something I mentioned in a previous text: when an artist starts a business, they stop being an artist in the eyes of the system. They become an entrepreneur. That’s the core problem.

I feel like I slept through that time. I just wanted to photograph, grow in it, do it well – for myself and my clients.
I didn’t think that honest, high-quality work might not be enough.
The last few years – due to the pandemic, inflation, rising business costs – have been financially tougher. My savings melted away.
Then came my personal crisis. And suddenly, I had no room to manoeuvre.
Despite fatigue, depression, concentration and creativity problems, I had to keep working. To support my clients well, I had to invest extra energy so they wouldn’t notice how low I felt.

And to maintain visibility, I continued marketing and self-promotion on social media – with a smile on my face, pushing past my limits. That’s probably why I feel such a strong need to publish these thoughts on burnout – to balance out the past year of putting on a brave face.

After years of operating at 300%, on constant alert, always active – I’ve reached a point where I want (need) to rest. And it turns out: I can’t.
Let me repeat – it’s like hitting a wall.
I’m not blaming anyone. I can’t say I didn’t know what I was getting into.
But I also pushed the risks aside, thinking: just a little more, and I’ll reach the next level – and then financial security will follow.
But not everything can be predicted. I didn’t plan on burnout for months.

I can already hear the comments: You knew what you were signing up for. Maybe you’re just not good at running a business. Maybe you’re doing it wrong. Entrepreneurs are pampered. Artists fail.
I did the best I could – with what I had.
And just to be clear – opinions from the couch and a full-time job don’t interest me.

Yes, I’m left with a bitter aftertaste. Because this system isn’t a partnership. And the culture of busy-ness I grew up in expresses itself precisely in this kind of repertoire.
I got caught up in the everyday – in perfecting what I do, developing my photography. I kept putting off the core issues for later.

And now… later is now.

May 2025

Articles in this series can be found under the category “burnout in freelancing”.

Relationships are probably the hardest piece to put together. When I think about them in the context of my freelance life, considering them as a factor contributing to burnout, I see patterns in several areas – both in personal and professional relationships.
I’ll try to give an overview of these.

Personal life and work are closely intertwined and influence one another. We are who we are, and this manifests in every area of our lives. For example, the difficulty in setting boundaries shows up in both work and personal relationships, although different systems may generate slightly different behaviours.
As freelancers, in this work-relationship dance, we often let others in more than we’d like. We strive to build good relationships with clients, yet frequently give in to pressure and boundary-crossing, driven by the fear of whether the next assignment will come.

Artists, creatives, freelancers – we often work alone. If we start a business, it’s usually as a sole proprietorship, and we continue to work solo without hiring anyone. Yet the responsibilities keep growing: more commitments, more tasks, more decisions.
There’s even a term for it – the solo entrepreneur loneliness phenomenon.
And yes, I’ve experienced it. That sense that everything rests on my shoulders, that it’s too much, and that there’s no one to share it with. But there are opportunities.
Networking groups are great, masterminds are gold. Development platforms, circles, workshops, meetups, and mentoring are all valuable options that I wholeheartedly recommend. I regularly attend business meetings, was part of a networking organisation for years, and continue to seek out communities that offer support and shared experiences.
I strongly recommend these forms of connection with fellow entrepreneurs. They ground you. You can find like-minded people who truly understand what freelancing entails.

We are social creatures. We need nurturing relationships like we need air. We long to feel needed, seen, loved. We crave acceptance, understanding, care, safety, respect, and recognition.

Having “your people” – those with whom you share deep, sincere friendships – is essential. People in front of whom you don’t have to pretend. With whom you can cry and celebrate, rage and dream. Who are attentive and curious about you – and to whom you offer the same. With them, you can celebrate successes and mourn failures together. This kind of connection is a powerful foundation that helps us endure life’s difficulties.

In therapy – which I still attend – I’ve explored the theme of persistent loneliness, even within relationships, a feeling I’ve known since childhood. Alongside this came an anxious attachment style.
Quite the combo – and it had a profound impact on how I functioned in private relationships, and it echoed in my professional life as well. This is a deeply personal and expansive topic, so I’ll leave the details private.
What I will say is that a lot has changed. I’ve learned about the root causes, the mechanisms, the dynamics. I’m learning to respond appropriately and assertively, respecting my own boundaries – no longer willing to overreact or self-abandon.
It’s difficult work, because people around me react. My “no” may come as a surprise, and stating my needs and expectations can cause even more confusion.

In a podcast, Filip Cembala said that in close relationships – friendships, partnerships – we have the right to expect.
To expect attention, interest, support, care. And I agree.
The closer we are to someone, the more we want to both give and receive. We want to feel the fullness of the bond.
I now know that asymmetrical relationships are no longer for me. Not in the sense of tracking what each person contributes, but in no longer feeling like I’m filling the relationship – both for myself and for the other person.
As my therapist says: there should be movement on both sides.
I take responsibility for how things were – because I allowed certain behaviours and attitudes toward me.

I’ve spent the past few months mostly in my own company. I started by focusing on my relationship with myself, because I was on the verge of losing confidence in who I am. I needed peace and quiet to reflect on what was changing and emerging.
Although I couldn’t completely avoid the sense of isolation and feeling on the sidelines – especially since I used to be very social – I felt the need to turn my attention inward.

In business relationships, I value honesty, openness, respect, good communication, and a partnership approach. Add to that my perfectionism (yes, I’m working on not letting it hold me back), my love of quality and organisation – and I deliver, also on a values level. I can’t imagine doing it any other way, and I have no intention of compromising in this area.
For years I’ve said that I’ve been lucky to work with fantastic clients. Apparently, I’ve attracted people with similar values and qualities, which made collaboration smooth and rewarding.
Were there any rifts or difficult situations? Of course. I don’t think it’s possible to avoid them entirely.

So what about situations like these?
A client tries to blackmail me: “Do it for six hundred, or I’ll go with someone else.” Another fails to respond to messages or phone calls, even as a deadline approaches and important matters remain unresolved. One secures a deadline but doesn’t confirm the project until the very last minute, despite my repeated requests.
Or – perhaps the most painful – a long-term client disappears without a word. That last one stings the most, because long-term collaboration is rooted in relationship. So what happens that makes someone forget even the basic courtesy of saying “thank you for your work”?

What’s most important for me now is improving communication grounded in my values. Clearly setting boundaries when I feel they’re being crossed. And establishing the inner awareness that I am responsible only for myself – not for others’ behaviour.

Freelancers, artists, creatives – we endure a lot. The fear of dry spells is always in the back of our minds. The uncertainty generates tension and bitterness when, out of fear, we accept being disrespected, underpaid, or poorly treated.
I recently read about a photographer who hesitated to confront a client who had used his photos without paying – even removing the watermark – because he feared that the conflict might harm his reputation and scare away future clients.
Really?
Would anyone hesitate like this if someone stole a bike from their building’s storage?

I’m filing away the times I turned a blind eye to boundary-crossing. That drawer is labeled past. And this applies to relationships across the board. I’ll probably keep practicing this process – sometimes better, sometimes worse – because it’s not a one-and-done thing. But my ongoing, conscious work with emotions, beliefs, and behaviours will certainly lead to better quality in my relationships.
I believe both sides will benefit. And I feel a sense of relief.

May 2025

Articles in this series can be found under the category “burnout in freelancing”.

The subject of emotions is a complex and multidimensional one. Emotions shape our attitudes and habits; they are reflected in our decisions. I don’t think it’s possible to completely separate personal and professional life – what we experience privately will affect our professional sphere, and vice versa. Professional burnout may not always have its root in work.

I believe that being attentive to one’s emotions helps us recognize the scripts and scenarios we live by – ones that may no longer serve us. Let’s try to address the unresolved and heal the hurt. This way, we are more likely to build mental resilience that will benefit us in every area of life.

I’ve come to recognize what contributed to my burnout, which was laced with depressive episodes. In this context, therapy is gold – not easy, but valuable work with what needs healing.
I manifested (writing about it in the past tense, somewhat conjuring up reality) a set of traits that consistently dragged me down. Not just recently – this has been present for most of my life.

Let’s start with perfectionism. Perfectionism is EVIL 🙂

How many ideas have I not implemented because they didn’t seem good enough? How many proposals have I withheld, thinking it wasn’t the right time or that I wasn’t ready? How many hours have I spent perfecting things that weren’t crucial to my business?
On top of that, I served myself a heavy dose of criticism, belittled my achievements, celebrated them only briefly – if at all – because it could always be better. I also assumed I should know everything and have everything under control – even the things we usually have no control over 😉
When I made a mistake, I deeply resented it.
Perfectionism is an effective brake on growth in both business and creativity. I know artists who can’t finish their work because they keep making endless corrections. And even when they finally add the final touch, they still feel like something more should be done.

Perfectionism probably has its brighter side. For me, it means great organization, commitment to quality, diligence, and a strong sense of responsibility. But, as we all know, even the best traits can become harmful when overdone.

Comparing yourself to others.

Disastrous. Focusing on your competitors limits your growth. I might even say that the longer you’re in the market and the more established your brand becomes, the less you compare yourself to others – or at least you get the opportunity not to.
Comparison usually “gets me” when things aren’t going well. I feel like everyone else is thriving while I’m the only one struggling. Social media only reinforces these impressions.
You probably know the feeling.

Now imagine experiencing burnout – a complete low point – and then seeing others’ success stories online. You sink even deeper.
Shifting your focus inward and taking care of yourself in those moments is crucial. But also difficult. In my case, I not only tried to reduce social media scrolling but also limited real-life contact. I stopped showing up in places where I was once regularly seen, especially in photographic contexts. I just didn’t have the inner space for it.

Self-confidence and low self-esteem.

Often influenced by a lack of assertiveness, difficulty in negotiation, and the tendency to seek approval rather than protect your own interests. These traits manifest in the belief that expressing your needs is wrong, in the fear of being judged or rejected. For example, you might be afraid a client won’t accept your offer and will go elsewhere, so you agree to poor terms and act against yourself… but the bitterness remains.

These traits make starting a career even harder – and I had them. Over time, through work experience and inner work, it’s worth addressing them. Running a business – especially one that’s close to your heart – is hard when you don’t believe in yourself.
These traits are tricky. Even years later, when I felt I had both feet on the ground, they reappeared the moment tougher times came – financial downturns, poor mental wellbeing.
At such moments, I try to focus on hard facts: my achievements, experience, and the quality of what I create. And if that doesn’t help – I call my best friend. She’ll remind me of what I’ve done, and she won’t sugar-coat it.

Frustration and disappointment.

These emotions significantly contribute to burnout. They are responses to prolonged stress, unmet expectations, and a lack of satisfaction. One has to accept that failures will happen. You may feel that despite all your effort, the reward never comes. And since creators often have a deeply personal relationship with their work, growing irritation, a sense of helplessness, and a loss of motivation are only a matter of time.
This is part of my story, too. I still haven’t figured out how to fully embrace these emotions. They played a major role in my burnout, and I still carry them in my emotional toolbox.

Anxiety.

It’s both a cause and a symptom of burnout – a vicious cycle. In my case, anxiety made me constantly alert, living life on a tightrope. It resulted in chronic stress and fatigue.
The uncertainty and instability of freelance work seem inherent to the model. It’s not only about whether there will be assignments, but also about how insecure the jdg system feels – especially for small makers, artisans, and creatives who don’t scale their business but rely on what they produce and sell.
Anxiety is also linked to perfectionism. The relentless pursuit of perfection, combined with fear of failure, increases the risk of emotional exhaustion.

In recent years, my anxiety and insecurity have become very intense. This was due to an anxious attachment style in relationships, the instability of the jdg system, my inability to detach from the flood of external stimuli and news – more on that later.
Even though I turned to nature, deep breathing, exercise, and other self-care tools, I feel I crossed a threshold – a critical boundary of long-term anxiety – beyond which I could no longer cope. This remains a work-in-progress.

Courage.

Courage means setting boundaries, saying “no,” expressing your needs, asking for help, and making decisions – even when they might be uncomfortable for others.

Now let’s juxtapose these traits with traditional girls’ upbringing… These limitations are deeply embedded in many of us. Overcoming them takes awareness and a lot of inner work.

All my life, I’ve been overly independent, prioritizing others’ needs over my own – even when I thought I wasn’t doing that.
Assertiveness and boundary-setting – that’s a whole separate topic. It’s incredibly important in life and business. I haven’t always protected my business properly, and I can easily point to situations where I allowed too much. If I still remember them, I probably haven’t fully let them go.

I highly recommend freelancers work on your courage. Not only the courage to say “no” (e.g., refusing to deliver something the morning after a client calls in the evening), but also the courage to:
– decline poorly paid projects or those beyond your time/energy limits
– take breaks and holidays without guilt – treating rest as part of work, not a luxury
– change direction when necessary – leaving draining projects or transforming your work model
– ask for help and support – before it’s too late, through mentoring, therapy, or peer networks

The last few years weren’t only about difficult emotions and struggles. Empowering feelings, joy, and pleasure were also present.
But whenever a downturn came – and they have come regularly – I often entered a kind of stasis. I would endure the crisis in silence. I might have done something externally, taken a step or two, but I didn’t really address the root of the issue. I didn’t search for the core or work with it thoroughly.
And as you probably know – if you skip your homework, life will give it to you again. The context, people, or tools may change, but the lesson remains the same.

May 2025

Articles in this series can be found under the category “burnout in freelancing”.

The body, in this whole “adventure” of mine with burnout, is an especially interesting thread for me.
I mentioned in my first text that before last year’s crisis, I had been in what I dare call self-therapy for two years. It all started with the body, as if it knew what was going on and that I would need a lot of strength to get through this perturbation.

The body knew.

In June 2022, two significant things happened. Completely unplanned, overnight, and seemingly due to a series of “coincidences”, I switched to what’s known as 8/16 intermittent fasting and started running. These changes translated into improved fitness and well-being; they quickly became habits I’ve maintained ever since.
Improving my nutrition (I also stopped drinking alcohol) and introducing a form of cardio exercise (in addition to yoga, which I’ve practised for years) made a noticeable difference in my overall condition. Getting eight hours of sleep within a more or less regular timeframe also proved essential (although I did occasionally sleep longer — which, in combination with depressive episodes, can clearly indicate depression or burnout. I would sleep for long periods just to disconnect).

It was exactly at this time, June 2022, that I reached for my first readings — ones that became guides in the process of finding myself. By training my body, nourishing it properly, immersing myself in nature and pouring my thoughts onto paper, I began a period of “unpacking”.

Unfortunately, I didn’t avoid the physical consequences of the entire situation. The closer I got to last June and “moment zero,” the more tension I felt in my body: muscle aches, headaches, abdominal pain, digestive issues. On top of that came problems with concentration, focus, motivation, and chronic fatigue.
Fortunately, despite the crisis, I managed to maintain my new habits. I remember mornings when I would sit at my desk, unable to get anything done — a sense of reluctance and pointlessness. I’d put on my sports clothes, get in the car and drive to the woods for a run. While running, I could feel my mood shift, endorphins flowing, and my perception of reality changing.

Rest.

I have to take a hard look at myself and reflect on these 18 years of running my own business. Over the years, I regularly took pebbles from the “no rest” basket and threw them into the garden called burnout.
It’s only in the last few years that I’ve drawn a clear line between work and rest. I’ve decided not to take on assignments during weekends or evenings (with very few exceptions, of course). But considering how long I’ve been in this industry, that’s just a small fraction of the whole timeline. Redirecting my work toward portrait photography has made that easier — unlike reportage work, which demands availability at all hours.
Still, I struggled to rest on weekdays, when I was online anyway, taking calls and responding to client needs.
Saturdays and Sundays, however, became guaranteed moments of calm and detachment from work duties.

There’s another aspect to rest: holidays.
The longest holiday I’ve ever taken in my entire career lasted 13 days — counting weekends. The last two seasons: 11 days each. I usually went away for a week or less, and even then I stayed online. My vacation plans were always subordinate to work. Planning time off was something for “later”, and even then, I was always the head of the company.
I remember one season when my partner and I couldn’t find time to go away together — our calendars never aligned, and work always got in the way. So I gave up the trip, rationalising the situation quickly. Marcin went alone — I saw no reason he shouldn’t go, he was exhausted. And at the same time, I didn’t see anything wrong in letting him leave while I stayed.
I’m sure my body and emotions recorded such moments with great precision. I was living in a state of profound imbalance between effort and gratification.

Connectivity.

Sometimes, before my mind can make a decision, I already feel the answer in my body — don’t do it, don’t say yes.
Many times, I’ve ignored that voice — that knot in the stomach — and chosen the path of rationalisation. And it always led to some form of discomfort afterward.
The body sends us signals, but we rarely listen. We don’t understand its language, or we pretend not to hear it, abusing and overexploiting it while expecting it to serve us perfectly.

Freelancing, by its very nature, tends to push the body’s needs to the bottom of the priority list (well — the freelancer does that). Hours at a desk, no movement, poor nutrition, staying up late to finish something due the next day, long-term stress.
That’s no longer my model, but it used to be.
I still remember my press days — several intense days working in the heat ended with heatstroke. I was severely dehydrated and ended up in bed with intense body aches and total weakness. I couldn’t even make myself a cup of tea — my mother had to feed me soup.
I also heard stories of people fainting from exhaustion, suffering chronic headaches, or ignoring spinal rehabilitation just to keep hauling around heavy camera equipment.

The body is always speaking — we’re just not listening. We give in to pressure. Work as much as possible while the orders are coming in. Work fast so the client will be happy and return. Do whatever the online world recommends to guarantee success.
Everyone eventually learns that this kind of attitude leads to disaster. Neglect accumulates. You can’t make up for sleepless nights or undo long-term physical depletion. But I understand. Most people have to learn it the hard way.

The body is always in a dance with emotions, my next text will be about them.
I’ll just mention here that emotions are recorded in the cells of our body, forming unconscious response patterns. How many times have you reacted to a familiar situation in the same, seemingly irrational way, not knowing why? That’s a pattern at work.
Add to that what we carry from previous generations — inherited traumas and experiences. Our starting point is not a blank slate. The body stores it all.
In my case, it stored quite a lot — and putting it into motion helped bring many of these things back into consciousness…

May 2025

Articles in this series can be found under the category “burnout in freelancing”.